I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
