Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
