I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
