I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
