Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize