yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
