He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
tell me about the fingering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
