you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
