Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
