Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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