youre lurking in front of me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
