is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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