You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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