I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
