finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
