I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize