If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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