i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize