I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
