Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
