My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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