if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
