An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
