I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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