Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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