When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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