You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
