My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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