So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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