I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
