Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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