I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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