Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
