did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
