dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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