Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
