I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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