When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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