you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
