walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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