I bet he comes in French.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
