I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
