Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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