I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
