apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
