i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You can't special order awesome
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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