people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
