If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
