This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
