Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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