3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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