I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
