And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just had sex bonerless
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
