I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
