Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
