party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize