The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He passed out mid-signature
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize