I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just high enough for therapy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
