Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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