Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
