Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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