either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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