so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
