Kiss
Puke
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
