I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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