I am in a vortex of obligation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
