Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
