Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize