I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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