I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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