I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want to be your penis for a week.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
